Post by katzz on Feb 29, 2008 22:35:13 GMT -5
----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: <a href='http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=77701486&MyToken=70fa7a6a-bfe5-4251-8b89-f4efeaf6a7c2'>TINA - Mema - Grandma Tina - Grandma Dallas & GD</a>
Date: Feb 29, 2008 5:53 PM
Advertising Slogan Misfire<br /><br /><br /> <br />This is an actual letter that an Austin woman sent to the Proctor and Gamble's product manager regarding their feminine products.<br />She really gets rolling after the first paragraph... <br />PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter....<br /> <br />Dear Mr. Thatcher:<br /> <br />I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.<br /> <br />But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.<br /> <br />Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from 'the curse?' I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?<br /> <br />As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen<br />quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers<br />monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo.' Therefore, you must know about the<br />bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood<br />swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior.<br /> <br />You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last<br />week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.<br /> <br />Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is<br />just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an "Always" maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'<br /> <br />Are you fu**ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny<br />middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing<br />happiness is possible during a menstrual period?<br /> <br />Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it,<br />James?<br /> <br />FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything<br />'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and<br />Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the<br />local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your<br />life in a blaze of glory.<br /> <br />For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a<br />moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something<br />that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular<br />Manslaughter is Wrong' or are you just picking on us?<br /> <br />Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately,<br />there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my<br />maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your<br />Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull<br />sh*t. And that's a promise I will keep.<br /> <br />Always,<br /> <br />Wendi Aarons<br />Austin, TX