joke.

[cosmiccastaway]

A teacher was doing a study testing the senses (taste)



The children began to identify the flavours by their color:

Red....................Cherry
Yellow.................Lemon
Green..................Lime
Orange..............Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers.
None
of the children could identify the taste.


The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue.
It's what your
mother may sometimes call your father.
'

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and
yelled, 'Oh my God! They're ass-holes!

[N]

HahHaha Thats a good one Katz!

[cosmiccastaway]

Hey!! Bubba! Whats that banner up there talking about a FS comic book? Have you seen it yet??
What did you do with the thing on Oxygen. It made sense.
Sorry I have not been around much, my knee is still bad and they think I have rheumatoid arthritis. I really hope not. Google images on that.
Well. I have spuds to peel. Oh joy.
Love and hugs bubba. Katz

[N]

Yer I have seen the link before, FS comic books hey "Nice!". I thought they where doing a web series?

[cosmiccastaway]

I have been hearing that for almost a year now.
I have not seen or heard anything for a while now. Wish they would at least show it on sci fi.
I really miss that show.

[cosmiccastaway]

To all my family and friends.....please beware!
>
>
> DEAD-BOLT THE DOORS! THIS IS VERY SERIOUS-----------
>
>
> You've heard about people who have been abducted and had
> their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves.

>
> Well, my thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago.
I
> went
> to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs! It was just that
> quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal.
Whose
> thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer
> looking for my thighs.
Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to
> living out my life in jeans.

>
> Then, the thieves struck again. My butt was next... I
> knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new
> rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier.
But my new butt
> was
> attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd
> have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts.

>
> Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched.
One
> morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my
> upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush.
This
> was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section
> at a time!!
>
> What could they do to me next? When my poor neck suddenly
> Disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my
> story.
Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee! Those
> 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts - stolen from
> you
> and me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', look
> again - was it lifted from you?
>
> THIS IS NOT A HOAX.
This is happening to women everywhere
> - every night.

>
> WARN YOUR FRIENDS!!
>
> Last year I thought someone had stolen my Boobs.
I was
> lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was
> relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I
> slept. (Now I keep them hidden in my waistband).

>
> Thought this was too 'important' not to pass on.

>
> PS - BEWARE! Just last week, these same thieves came into
> my closet and shrunk my clothes!

[N]

And Katz while you are looking for your original bit & pieces, If you manage to see Mr Stiffy send him home to me ;D ;D ;D

[Cosmichiccup]

The Wisdom of a dying wife. The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, 'I've got some bad
news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.
'

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the
waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.


'Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we
celebrate when things don't go so well.
In this case, things aren't
well. I have cancer. So, let's head to the club and have a martini.
'

After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber.
There
were some laughs and more martinis.
They were eventually approached by some
of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were
celebrating.


The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end,
'I've been diagnosed with AIDS.
'

The friend s were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty
retreat.


After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered,
'Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your
friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that??'

'Because I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father
after I'm gone.
'

And THAT, my friends, is what is called, 'Putting Your Affairs In
Order.
'

[N]

Yer either AIDS or Malignant Herpes would have sufficed too ;D ;D ;D

[KATZZZ]

Every Sunday Father Donovan, a preacher at a small church in the little town of Juniper, MO, tried to make the Bible accessible to his congregation through his sermons.
On this particular Sunday, Father Donovan proclaimed, "If you ever feel adrift in the sea of life, just turn to the Bible for guidance. All life's experiences are immortalized in the good book, and it will help you find your way to shore."
After church Mrs. Francis approached the preacher and said, "Father Donovan, I don't think every life experience is in the Bible. Nowhere in the Bible have I ever read about PMS."
Father Donovan had never heard such a comment, so that night he sifted through the Bible to see if Mrs. Francis was right.
Next Sunday Father Donovan pulled Mrs. Francis aside after church and said, "I wasn't wrong last Sunday when I said that every life experience is mentioned in the Bible."
"Okay, Father. Where does it say anything about PMS?"
Father Donovan opened up his Bible and showed her a passage that read: "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."
10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"

1.

Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2.

You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3.

The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4.

Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5.

You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says "How's my driving-call 1-800-***-."
6.

Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7.

You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
8.

You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.
9.

You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10.

The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.


The Mammogram
By Julia Napier©

For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.

After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram.
"O.K." I said, 'let's do it."

"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my boob in line),
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."

She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooter's in a vise!

My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.

Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's vise-like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!

"Take a deep breath" she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.

"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.

It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.

Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steam rolled.

If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"

This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And see how THEY come ou

[N]

Yep I have heard many women complain about those exam's and rightly so! But one saved my mums life so maybe they are worth the discomfort! but a prostate exam isn't a walk in the park "Just bend over and think of England!" ;D ;D ;D ;D

Funny stuff Katz! ;D ;D

[Flat tires are me]

While I was pressed folded and spindled and mutalated today in that machine I kept hearing a small voice in my mind scream ,NO EARTHQUAKES! NOT NOW!! NO EARTHQUAKES!!
I would truly have been in between a rock and a hard place.ow!

[N]

Owww yer that would have been a problem